What are some of your own listening tendencies?
Because I am THE MOST ADHD person on the planet I am always aware of my personal challenges when it comes to listening - it's not for lack of interest but for lack of biological focus. Over the years (of learning about myself) I am aware that auditory instructions are hardest for me to follow. This applies to following a conversation if I am not fully present and fully engaged. With that said, I am so aware of my deficits that I have worked hard to come up with strategies to overcome them because I feel like fully engaging in conversation is an important and powerful tool to building relationships.
When I am listening I tend to start to form my responses to different parts of the conversation instead of focusing on the speaker. I am always working on this and finding strategies to remember my ideas while also activity listening.
What cues might trigger non-productive listening?
Again, my learning differences cause my mind to wander. This could result in non-productive listening - so I over prepare for this possibility. I prepare by always having something to take notes with and also coming with my own (sometimes very specific) notes to keep the conversation and listening productive. My notes and lists often help to bring me back into the conversation and allow for thoughtful follow up when needed.
Having access to my computer or phone can also trigger non-productive listening. I almost always use paper and pencil for notes and keep my phone tucked away.
How does awareness of your own listening habits affect your support of your mentee?
I think, if I was not self aware of my own challenges around attention and therefore listening - my natural "habits" could cause my mentee to feel unsupported. I would never want to do that. I think, an acute awareness of my own habits paired with a real desire to help my mentee grow and feel heard.
How does good listening support your role as a growth agent?
When I feel heard, I feel safe. The listener doesn't necessarily need to align with me but I need to have a voice. I think good listening can empower and support growth by allowing the speaker to work through a problem or process a challenging situation. Good listening is also an act of care. By giving of your time to advise, support and problem solve with another person you are demonstrating that you care about them and their ideas. This allows for space to grow.
I was struck by one of your phrases in partu=icular, Mandy: "When I feel hear, I feel safe." I think that will be an excellent mantra to carry into each meeting with my mentee! That phrase will prioritize the need to be fully focused on my mentee! Her feeling safe is paramount to our relationship and to any possible progress.
ReplyDeleteI was struck by the same sentence Mandy, “when I feel heard, I feel safe”. It goes back to that focus on relationship. There is no one that does the listening survey walks away feeling like their listening skills are expert. It’s a growth curve for all of us. Just being aware of these issues makes us better at what will be doing with our mentees. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteMandy,
ReplyDeleteYour self knowledge about your listening tendencies, and your ability to recognize and make accommodations is inspiring. Thank you for sharing this perspective. I also want to commend your statement:
"Good listening is also an act of care. By giving of your time to advise, support and problem solve with another person you are demonstrating that you care about them and their ideas. This allows for space to grow." So wise!
Judy